Memorial Service Checklist: A Two-Week Timeline, Day by Day

Day 1: the first calls

The first day is about three things: the body is cared for, the closest people know, and someone is keeping a list. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.

If the death happened at home without hospice, call 911 or the non-emergency line. If hospice was involved, call the hospice nurse. In a hospital or care facility, the staff will ask which funeral home to call.

• Choose a funeral home or cremation provider and make the first call. If you do not have one in mind, ask the hospice, a friend, or a faith leader for a name. You can change your mind before signing anything. (Immediate family.)
• Tell the people who must hear it from you by voice: children, siblings, parents, closest friends. Ask one of them to call the next ring of people. (Immediate family, then one delegated caller.)
• Start a single notebook or shared note for every decision, name and question. Someone other than the most bereaved person should hold it. (A close friend or relative.)
• Locate any written wishes: a will, a prepaid funeral plan, a letter, a note in a drawer. (Family.)
• Arrange care for pets and dependents, and secure the home if it is now empty. (Delegate.)

Days 2 and 3: the shape of the service

The meeting with the funeral home, usually on day two or three, sets most of the big pieces. Go with one other person, bring the notebook, and do not feel you must decide everything in the room. The core decisions are burial or cremation, the type of service, and when and where. Everything downstream follows from the date.

• Meet with the funeral director. Decide burial or cremation, service type, and a target date. Ask what they handle and what you handle. (Family, two people.)
• Order death certificates; ten certified copies is a common starting number. (Funeral home, at your request.)
• Choose the venue: the funeral home chapel, a house of worship, a community hall, a park, a family home. Confirm capacity and dates. (Family, or delegate the phone calls.)
• Contact the officiant or faith leader if you want one, or decide who in the family will lead. (Family.)
• Begin the obituary. Gather dates, names of survivors and a few stories. (One writer, with a second person checking names.)
• Name one person to coordinate meals, rides and offers of help. (Delegate completely.)

Days 4 to 7: the big arrangements

By the end of the first week, the service should be scheduled and announced, and the main elements chosen. This is also the week the house fills with people and food; assign a kitchen captain and let them run it.

• Finalize and submit the obituary to the funeral home and any newspaper. Confirm print deadlines. (Writer.)
• Decide the order of service: readings, music, speakers, slideshow, open remembrances, a receiving line. Keep it to an hour or a little more. (Family with officiant.)
• Ask speakers and readers, and give each a time limit. Three to five minutes is kind to everyone. (Family.)
• Choose music and musicians, or a playlist and someone to run it. (Delegate.)
• Book the reception: venue, food, and a rough headcount. A church hall and a few trays is as good as anything. (Delegate.)
• Start one shared folder of photos for a slideshow and display boards. (Delegate to a younger relative.)
• Order flowers, or ask for donations instead. (Delegate.)
• Bring clothing for the person to the funeral home, if there is a viewing. (Immediate family.)
• Arrange travel and lodging for out-of-town family. (Delegate.)
• Decide how you will collect memories from guests: cards at a table, a guest book, a QR code, or all three. (One person owns it.)

Days 8 to 11: the details

The second week is for the things guests will see and touch. Each is small, and each can go to a different person with a clear deadline, reporting back to the notebook holder rather than to you.

• Write and proof the program. Confirm the spelling of every name with the person who knows them best. Send to the printer or funeral home by day 11. (Writer, with a proofreader.)
• Build the slideshow: 60 to 100 photos, eight to ten minutes, exported as a video file. (Delegate.)
• Print display boards or frame photos for the entrance and the reception. (Delegate.)
• Confirm the florist, caterer, musicians and venue in writing. (Delegate.)
• Assemble the memory table: cards, good pens, a sign with a prompt, a box for finished cards. If you are using a QR code, print it on the sign and in the program. (Memory owner.)
• Confirm pallbearers, ushers and a greeter. (Family.)
• Prepare a short list of thank-yous for the officiant to read, including caregivers. (Family.)
• Plan what happens with flowers and food after; nursing homes and shelters often accept both. (Delegate.)

Days 12 and 13: the run-through

Two days out, stop adding things. The goal now is that everyone knows where to be and when, and that the technology works in the real room.

• Send the final order of service to the officiant, speakers, musicians and funeral home. Include arrival times. (Notebook holder.)
• Test the slideshow and the sound in the actual venue, on the actual equipment, and bring the file on two devices. (Slideshow owner.)
• Pick up programs, or confirm the funeral home has them. Count them. (Delegate.)
• Lay out clothes for the immediate family and arrange rides, including for anyone elderly. (Delegate.)
• Confirm the reception headcount with the caterer and ask for the food to be ready fifteen minutes before you expect guests. (Reception owner.)
• Pack a bag for the day: tissues, water, chargers, the eulogies, memory cards and pens, the guest book, cash for tips. (Delegate.)
• Eat a real meal. Go to bed early. (You.)

The day of the service

On the day, your job is to be present, not to run things. Give the clipboard to the notebook holder and let them handle the questions. Something small always goes wrong; almost nobody notices.

• Arrive an hour early. Walk the room. Check the programs, the guest book, the memory table and the slideshow once more. (Notebook holder.)
• Greeter at the door from thirty minutes before. Ushers seat older guests and hold the front rows for family. (Delegates.)
• Someone with the speakers' names and order, standing near the front, so the officiant can catch their eye. (Delegate.)
• At the end, one named person collects the memory cards, guest book, photos, slideshow device and leftover programs, and puts them in the family's car. (Delegate, named in advance.)
• Someone handles payments and tips so you do not have to. (Delegate.)

The week after

The week after the service is quieter and often harder. Keep the list short. The paperwork can mostly wait another week; a few small tasks keep things from slipping.

• Put every card, note, program and the sign-in sheet in one box. Do not sort yet. (Family.)
• Return anything borrowed or rented, and settle any final invoices. (Delegate.)
• Send a short message to guests thanking them for coming and inviting memories from anyone who did not get to share one. (Memory owner.)
• Save voicemails, voice notes and the slideshow file somewhere permanent, off a single phone. (Delegate.)
• Confirm the death certificates have arrived and begin the list of who to notify, two or three calls a day. (Family or executor.)
• Start a list of thank-you notes and split it among relatives. (Family.)